06.03.21 – Tiredness

I’m not one to moan (in my opinion) but I need to have a little rant. I am tired, I am very tired. I’ve thought this disease in the past 2-3 years head on and with a positive mental attitude and it’s not been easy. Always putting on a brace face and trying so hard not to look back or worry about what may (or may not) happen

Right now though putting on that brace face is getting harder and harder. The continuing decline of my kidneys, the continuing business of life and work and the cancelled / postponed transplants whilst adding in that I’m struggling to exercise means I have a constant reminder that I’m not 100% and gives me a look in to the future

I’m hopeful that we can get this transplant done as soon as possible and then hopeful that I have a smooth post-op and recovery and whereas I was once confident of this I’m starting to wonder a couple of things… 1. Will it ever happen and 2. Will I be able to exercise again once it’s happened. I have targets set for after any operation, I want to get running again and complete 5km in 30 mins but that’s for a future thought. I’ve always took one day at a time but as I get closer and closer to needing Dialysis I’m starting to get a little more impatient. Daily tasks are becoming a struggle and I find myself taking longer to wake up in the morning

For now it’s about remaining positive and waiting for the transplant date. Fingers are well and truly crossed for now and in the meantime I’m going to try and slowly change my mentality back towards the positive attitude I’d had previously, early nights, a better diet and exercise if my body allows

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